


Flashbang

by Poker



Series: Girl Genius Event Week 2019 [4]
Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Agatha is a scary kid, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Uncle Vole, Vole has no idea what to do with a kid but he’s trying, Vole meets Agatha as a kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-12-09 13:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poker/pseuds/Poker
Summary: When Agatha is lost and asks for directions from a nearby Jäger guard, it changes everything.Vole may not like the last Heterodynes, but a kid can be raised. If he knew how to raise a kid. It can’t be too hard, right?





	1. Set The Fuse

**Author's Note:**

> Event Week!
> 
> Oct. 11: I got tied up in plot holes when I tried to write it before  
Oct. 12: It always feels like too large of a commitment
> 
> Original Character will come tomorrow!  
I may rewrite this at some point but I wanted to post it.

Agatha was not lost!

Okay, maybe a little. She crouched on the bench, watching the bustling festival around her with wide eyes. Their teacher had brought them out to celebrate the founding of Beetleburg, and then Agatha saw a stall with little clank bugs. That made her get a headache so she sat down, and um.

Technically her teacher lost her. So Agatha herself, was not lost.

That was never going to work on Lilith and Adam.

Agatha slumped against the wall. She was going to be grounded for the rest of ever. It took so much wheedling and begging, and ambushes at midnight with permission slips. 

Maybe they would go to the Cathedral next? Or was that at one o’clock, and they were actually going to the beetle cake eating contest? Agatha rubbed at her head, trying to keep the headache away.

A guard would know. There were tons of them in town for the festival and they knew all kinds of things. Bertram in class swore one of the soldiers knew his middle name, but Bertram also swore he didn’t swipe her apple.

Agatha chewed on her lip thoughtfully, hopping off the bench. What did she have to lose? She’d be in trouble anyway if she got found out. If she got back quick enough, Adam and Lilith would never even know.

So, uh, where did guards go?

Probably around the outskirts of the crowd, Agatha decided. That’s where she’s put her guards, if she had any.

Steeling herself, she pushed back into the crowds

The good thing about being little, Agatha concluded a little winded hidden in a little wall alcove, is that crowds were easy to get through. The bad thing was when someone hit you in the stomach because they didn’t see you. Ugh. She should make an exploding clank, that’ll scare them into making room, especially if she-

Agatha hissed as pain slammed into her head. She cradled it, whimpering softly as it faded away. At least it was quick this time.

Eventually the pain cleared up enough she could blink the wetness out of her eyes and look around again. She was pretty snug in her little wall alcove but also completely alone.

Right. Where would she put a guard?

Probably not near the eating booths, Agatha concluded, even though her tummy rumbles at the thought. Corners seemed likely. Guards were tall, right?

Agatha stuck along the wall this time, hopping over empty baskets and skirting around poles. She tried to keep her eyes straight ahead but everything was so pretty. One booth showed off a puppy clank! 

It was only the thought of Adam and Lilith’s disappointment that tore Agatha away from the absolutely adorable scene.

It was only a flicker at the corner of her eye but Agatha spun quickly after it. There, a hat with the Wulfenbach crest on it! 

She darted after it, squirming through the crowd in a wave of apologies.

Than immediately skidded to a stop, narrowly dodging an elbow shove from behind. “Move it.” Someone hissed, and Agatha obediently stepped against the wall.

The guard was really tall because he was a Jäger.

A really bored one too, half leaning against the walls, surveying the crowds with frustration. His white uniform seemed pale against blue skin. Agatha wavered, nerves feeling like wire.

He’d probably know, but Adam and Lilith told her Jägers were really mean! Teacher said differently but teacher also said constructs were dumb.

Agatha glances around, hand coming up to rest over her locket. Did she really have anything to lose? Well, no not really.

She skipped across the street as she could, tentatively reaching out to tug on the man’s uniform. His eyes snapped down and Agatha was transfixed by the endless black pits.

“Vhat do hyu vant.” The Jäger drawled. Agatha swallowed heavily. She couldn’t turn back now.

“I was part of the school field trip and got lost. I wanted to know if you knew where they were going.” She said quietly. His eyes were really pretty actually. Agatha had never seen anything like them before.

“Und vhat makes hyu tink hy can leave mine post to talk?” The Jäger growled, crouching down slightly. Agatha swallowed roughly, completely missing how the Jäger took a deep breath before freezing, lips pulling back in a snarl.

“I know. You probably have really important duties, but I just wanted to know if you could tell me anything.” Agatha squeaked. She really hoped a headache fit wouldn’t hit her right now.

Even crouched, he was massive, dwarfing her own small stature. A perfect normal size for a girl of seven though! Induced mutations shouldn’t count at all!

“Ecktually.” The Jäger said with a fanged grin. “Hy vill show hyu. Hy know vhere dey vill be.” Agatha perked up immediately, bouncing on the tips of her toes.

“Really! That’s perfect! Which way?” She said eagerly. The faster, the better. The teacher had an attention span of 36.2 minutes, as supported by one of her classmates’ statistical evidence. Agatha was already starting to run up against the upper margin.

“Dis vay.” The Jäger said, standing. To Agatha’s relief, he headed down a nearby side alley, almost empty compared to the bustling streets. She hurried after him, the soles of her shoes clicking on the cobblestones.

The Jäger didn’t talk more after that but moved really fast, slipping through the sidestreets like a native. In the distance Agatha could hear the muffled sounds of the festivals.

Her eyes focused on his back. She’d really shouldn’t ask. It wasn’t ladylike at all. Lilith had expressly forbidden it.

Agatha got one more minute before she cracked.

“Is that an Imperium Mark Three?” She asked eagerly, admiring the sleek golden casing she could see. “I have so many articles about it! It’s technically outdated, but so far ahead of the market with the energy core! I thought most of them fell with the Roman Empire!”

And absolutely gorgeous from what she could see from it in its well-maintained leather holster.

The Jäger slowed. When he glanced back, his grin was fanged and so wide Agatha squeaked a little bit. “Ja. Took it off ov vun ov de soldiers. He vasn’t usink et.” 

Agatha has a good feeling the Jäger was increasing his accent to mess with her, but she refused to be swayed from her pursuit.

“Oh! I suppose you killed him then? Lilith says I can’t ask that but you’re a Jäger so that probably shouldn’t matter. Does it really have a rapid repeat railgun setting?” Agatha wanted to build one. Her fingers twitched, wanting to take apart the gun set in its gleaming holster.

A faint flicker of pain shot across her forehead, making Agatha lag behind with a grimace. The Jäger didn’t slow but he didn’t speed up like some of her classmates did. It felt like he was constantly watching.

“A verry nize vun too.” The Jäger said. “Like gunz?” It took a moment for Agatha to realize he was asking a question.

“Of course! I prefer death rays, so lovely and simple.” She tried to build one once but it had blown up. Lilith had forbid her from trying ever since. “But it’s super cool! Did you bring it to show off for the festival?” 

That’s what she would have done. It was an absolutely lovely machine and Agatha really wished the Jäger would slow down just the teeniest bit so she could get up on her tiptoes and take a real good look.

“Ov courze.” The Jäger said. “Iz not quite az gud az a Mechanisburger party, but gud enuff.” 

“A Mechanisburger party?” Agatha said. She had never read about those! Well, sometimes the teacher talked about wars and stuff, but not parties.

“Yah. Big fun, Heterodyne getz de fun stuff out. Vun time, somevun tried to invade. Dat vas fun, hy got to uze anti-clank gun. Und best gingerbread iz dere.” The Jäger said. Agatha had heard about the gingerbread part. She liked gingerbread.

Agatha opened her mouth to say it was rude to attack someone before snapping it shut. Jägers loved to fight, and Lilith always said a proper lady didn’t attack other’s interests.

(She also said Agatha should never go near Jägers, but clearly the experiment was working well.)

It was sad they didn’t get to do that anymore. No Heterodyne, no parties. “Wish I could have seen it. It does sound cool.” Agatha said. Maybe they’d even have a cure for stupid headaches.

Wow, this route was really long. Teacher must’ve decided to go really far away because this walk was taking a really long time. Agatha could barely hear the festival anymore. But he seemed like he knew what he was doing and she was so close.

She was practically right behind him, now all she had to do was get up on tiptoes even though Lilith scolded her before. Was the gun warm? It looked like it should be warm, even if that was impractical. Cool was better than practical. It was practically a death ray, practical was meaningless.

Agatha eeped softly as the Jäger stopped and she ran straight into his back. She hastily backtracked as he turned, fanged grin wide. “Leetle gurls should ask to look.” Agatha blushes heavily.

She really thought she had been sneaky about it! Evidently not though because the Jäger looked like he was about to start laughing, and oh, she really should ask his name soon. It was only polite.

Agatha fidgeted under his gaze. “I just wanted a peek. Mr. Gore won’t let me look at his stuff any more. Kinda blew up his porch.” And that was so unfair. He was the one who kept asking after her science!

Really, he was being downright rude. “Hyu can look.” At her disbelieving look, he barked out a sharp laugh. “Iz not like hyu can steal it.” And he was definitely right there.

Then he shrugged the holster over his shoulder in one easy movement, and wow because those guns were supposed to be super heavy. Even when he crouched, he was bigger than her, but Agatha didn’t care because she had absolute beauty in front of her.

She took a few ragged breaths, trying to will the headache away even as she stepped closer for a good look.

It was a gorgeous death machine, far too big for her but absolutely classy. The Jäger did something complicated with the trigger mechanism and oh! That’s how it turned on. It really did warm quickly!

Agatha peered down the barrel, noting the eerie light. “This is about the time my experiments would explode.” She noted. That definitely looked like a magma core but blue instead of red.

“Oh really?” The Jäger said. Agatha nodded, completely absorbed.

“Yeah. I want them to do stuff but they explode. It’s cool sometimes.” Maybe she should get a scientific law about herself. At least the Jäger didn’t pull away the beauty that was practically in her lap like everyone else did.

“Explosions are verry good though. Dat iz doing sometink.” The Jäger said. Agatha blinked quickly.

That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her.

“One time I used it to blow up a boy’s project.” Agatha said shyly, tracing the engravings. “He was a real jerk so I built a clank and set it off next to a really important school project. No one believed him that it was on purpose. He failed the test.” And transferred schools after that so net bonus.

“Vell, see? Dat’s doing sometink. Old Heterodynes, dey mastered explosions.” The Jäger said. He seemed a little more genuine now. “Breakthrough like dat.”

Agatha really doubted she’d break through but it was a nice thought anyway. “What’s your name anyway?” She asked, wanting to get away from the thought.

“Vole.” The Jäger said, his smile absolutely vicious. “You?”

Lilith would be angry, Agatha thought, humming as she turned her head to look at the stock. Vole nicely shifted so she could see it better even though the barrel was a bit in her way.

“Agatha. Agatha Clay. Thanks for the tip about explosions.” Her head hurt a lot but this was definitely worth it. She really wished she had one of these, even if she couldn’t lift one. Or build it. Stupid.

“Vell Agatha, ve should be gettink you back.” Oh! Her field trip! 

Agatha groaned. She was just getting to the impressive part too! Vole chuckled, a low vicious sound. “This isn’t even my best.” He said. “Mebbe hy show you de rest another time.”

She should probably be worried about that but Agatha was far more concerned that he was pulling his gun out of her grip. She whined, making grabby hands. Heartlessly, Vole slipped it back in the holster after deactivating it, slipping it over his shoulder.

“You’re mean.” Agatha grumbled, getting to her feet. 

“Dats mine job.” Vole said. He was already walking away because secretly he was a massive jerk. Agatha scowled, running after him.

For how quiet it was, it wasn’t actually far to the edge again of the festival. Agatha brightened, seeing the customary flag the teacher had been carrying around.

“Thanks so much!” A little shy, Agatha threw her arms around Vole’s leg and gave him the best hug she could give. He didn’t shake her off at least! Or at least didn’t have the chance because she released at lightning speed, face red.

Oh god, now he probably thought she was weird.

She raced back to her class, refusing to look back. Experiment was a success, hypothesis likely.

More trials would be needed to test it. She wouldn’t actually mind seeing Vole again. And maybe he had a whole collection of guns as cool as the Imperium! That put a little pep in her step as she slipped in at the back of the line.

It couldn’t be that hard to find him again. And maybe even say thank you properly.

* * *

Vole has been so bored.

He grumbled, shifting his weight again. As if some nowhere town would make trouble. He almost wished someone would, just so he had an excuse to shoot someone.

But no, his last position had seen an abrupt transfer after the Baron felt the need to shift in an entire platoon of cowards. Vole gritted his teeth.

If he had the chance, he’d make the Baron pay.

But not right now. Burning the world down took just a little bit longer, annoying as it was.

He nearly didn’t feel the tug on his uniform, weak as it was. Vole’s eyes snapped back open, arm going to his hidden holster.

Oh. One of the weak children of the town, all blonde hair and wide green eyes. If he made another cry, the Baron swore he’d transfer Vole to the most boring outpost he could find.

So. Being all nice. Vole crouched, even though he could hear just fine.

The child babbled something he barely register, taking a deep breath.

He knew that scent. He smothered the growl rising in his throat even as his claws tore through his gloves.

Heterodyne. Like ozone crackling in the air, the smell of spilled blood, lightning on the tongue. 

Like memories.

Bill’s. Absolutely, it was in her wide eyes. Vole felt a smile stretch his lips. She was lost. How tragic for her.

He’d just have to lead her away and then he could end the line right here. No more cowards, no more playing weak. Vole failed before but this was a child. Not the Heterodyne Boys.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Vole made a signal, knowing one of the other soldiers would see him absence and cover for him. They could do what they want like this. It was like being handed the chance on a silver platter.

She followed him so easily when he led her into alleys. Vole wasn’t quite familiar yet with the area, but he knew enough to carefully steer away from the festival, deep into the web.

No alleys compared to the Kestle after all.

He almost didn’t hear her question. Vole slowed, glancing back. The girl was focused on his gun, eyes shining softly as she babbled about its build. He couldn’t resist, lip curling as he imagined the horror on her face. 

“Ja. Took it off ov vun ov de soldiers. He vasn’t usink et.” Vole said. The girl frowned but continued anyway, absolutely casual about it.

Oh ho. Maybe she was made of stronger stuff than she looked. It couldn’t hurt to have a little fun at her expense. He answered her next question then offered his own. “Like gunz?”

He asked the imposters that question once. The older one had looked ashamed like the coward he was, the younger looked disgusted. Weak both of them. But the girl positively beamed.

“Of course! I prefer death rays, so lovely and simple.” Vole didn’t like death rays, far too quick and easy for him. It was, however, a very Heterodyne answer.

Vole could see an echo of Saturnus in those eyes now, in the twist of her hands as she unconsciously shaped out her idea of a proper weapon. It brought up a bone deep longing in his chest that he hated.

He wasn’t lying about the Mechanisburg parties. Every year, the Heterodyne showed off their newest weapon of destruction. Usually on prisoners. The one when some illegitimate count attacked were agreed to be the best year yet.

She still wasn’t running away. And worse, he was actually giving her more information than he meant to.

It had been a while since he had heard a Heterodyne say they wanted to be in Mechanicsburg. The imposters were hopefully rotting in their graves.

The sound of her footsteps picked up, but towards him not away. Vole dug his claws into his leg armor. Almost there. He couldn’t hear any worms nearby.

She was trying to look at his gun, Vole realized suddenly. Not running away. The imposter lord must be rolling in his grave and the thought made Vole smile.

The look on her face was actually fearful when he turned. Worry of being caught not fear of him though. She retreated but didn’t run. The lure of the gun was an irresistible urge to her though, and they settled on the ground, his gun practically on the girl’s lap.

There was a bit of the madness in her eyes and she examined it. Vole could almost feel the echo of old pride. He’d brought the Heterodyne something good to see, something that fascinated them.

The thought burned in his chest, made him click on the gun. 

She looked fearlessly down the barrel.

He could shoot her right now. An accident maybe. Or attempted sabotage. Or maybe nothing, maybe Vole would just attack and keep attacking. Until everything was in flames. The line would be gone and there was nothing anyone would be able to do about it.

“This would be about the time my experiment would explode.” The girl said. Vole’s hand shifted over the trigger in reflex. But he stifled it this time.

Explosions were good. He liked explosions.

“Oh really?” Vole muttered, checking the settings. It’d kill her instantly if he set it off now. Not very fun then.

She almost seemed ashamed of her explosions in her response. But what Vole got next was even better. 

“One time I used it to blow up a boy’s project.” The girl said. “He was a real jerk so I built a clank and set it off next to a really important school project. No one believed him that it was on purpose. He failed the test.”

That was almost proper Heterodyne. Replace it with an army and she could be. Might be.

Vole hated Lucrezia. But the mother had acted almost proper for a Heterodyne concubine. If it trickled down into this girl. Well. The line might not end today.

A year. He’d give it a year, and see how the line developed then. She’d need teaching on proper manners, but it could be done.

Teaching her to be a proper Heterodyne couldn’t be that hard.

“Vell, see? Dat’s doing sometink. Old Heterodynes, dey mastered explosions.”Vole said cheerily. “Breakthrough like dat.”

She broke through like that too. Good sign. For a minute, he considered lying about his name. His betrayal would’ve been kept private. Fuck it. “Vole.”

Her name was plain but Vole rolled it around his tongue. Not terrible though. Whoever her caretakers were, they had good taste.

Ugh, he’d have to stick around longer and go scouting. Usually it would be the Generals teaching the Heterodyne, not a gruntling like him, but they’d do it wrong. Making plans was annoying.

Vole clicked off the trigger efficiently. She earned the right to live for now. The kid- Agatha, whined trying to grab the gun. Good taste at least. Vole liked that in a leader.

He walked away, counting on her to follow, indeed she did, grumbling the entire time like a new Jäger being banned from brawls for a week. 

Good thing he did actually know where her field trip was. Vole took the most efficient route back. Drop her there and he could go, ugh, plan more.

That was the bad thing about being exiled. He had to make all the plans.

He nearly kicked her when she hugged him, barely reigning in the reflex. Vole blinked slowly, staring down at the kid. The numbness lingered as she vanished into the crowd after her school.

If everything worked, he’d have a Heterodyne again. A proper one. If not, he’d go to Plan B. He _would_.

* * *

If Vole was one of those sneaky types, he would have spent weeks arranging some random encounters.

But that was stupid, so instead Vole had finished patrol a week later and traced his way to Agatha’s house. He wasn’t sure how anyone had missed her with a scent that strong. It practically cloaked the street.

Vole bared his teeth. Their loss, his gain.

It was very early in the morning, so no one was out on the street yet. Anyone who was steering clear of him.

Ugh. He hated smart people.

A mechanic shop was a good place to hide a Heterodyne. Plenty of toys to play with. 

Vole leaned against the wall outside and waited.

Maybe it looked a little silly but it left him in the perfect position to collar the child as she ran outside, ten minutes later. 

Vole lifted her to eye level. “Beet early for hyu to be outzide.” The girl’s eyes lit up at seeing him. Still no fear. Heh.

“Vole! You came to see me! I wanted to see you but I didn’t know the guard patrol and the guard I asked was a jerk about it and I saw him shove a construct, so I was going to go put an exploding clank and-“ Agatha took a deep breath.

Ho. Now that was a mission he could get behind. Vole didn’t exactly like any of his squad members, and they didn’t like him.

“Hy thought hyu vanted to see mine guns.” Vole said. A bit of the madness slipped into her eyes at the thought.

“Absolutely! Or, well, after this? Please? I worked all night on this.” Agatha said. She had a very impressive innocent look. 

“H’okay.” Vole said. “But Hy vanna vatch.”

“It’s a deal then, Mr. Vole.” Agatha said. “Come on, we have to go fast because the Beetle Clanks might notice us otherwise.”

Vole could have mentioned that the Beetle Clanks were usually on the other side of town for regular patrol during the morning. But hey, she should be learning independent command.

Five minutes later found him boosting Agatha through a window. She pulled out something small and mechanical, fiddled with a few buttons, shoved it in a satchel thrown carelessly on the floor.

Then Vole had to very hastily catch her as she launched herself out the window. Agatha unrolled herself, a warm but not heavy weight in his arms.

He would have dropped her, but there was a small popping noise. And then the fire sirens went off. And then people started screaming.

Grown men screaming because of a little girl and an explosive clank.

Vole started to laugh. 

Oh, she was going to be great.

His good mood continued long enough after they made their escape, to press the book of Mechanicsburg in her hands. 

And a proper book of Mechanicsburg at that. Not the fancy tourist one, the one that forget all the good stuff because of those stupid brothers, but gory. Partially written in blood. All the good traditions written down inside. It was from Vole’s personal collection, though he never read it anymore.

Agatha ran her hands over the cover. “Is this human skin?” Her eyebrows creased, trying to figure it out by touch.

Vole shrugged. “No vun knows. Part of de fun.” It was a good drinking game too. Get drunk and make guesses about it.

“Thank you then. And for the boost.” Agatha said, hugging the book to herself. “It would have been really hard to blow up his stuff otherwise. And now he knows to be a better person!”

Or she will do it again, was the unsaid sentiment. Vole bared his teeth in a smile.

They were going to get along just fine.


	2. Strike a Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got this done! As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!

_Dear Mr Vole,_

_I’m not sure about your last name, so I really hope this letter finds you! I asked Lilith about it, and she said most soldiers didn’t get pen pals. Don’t worry, I was very sneaky about it! The book you gave me had some good tips._

_But she did get me some nice paper! It’s even got comets on the margins which I liked because they kind of look like laser blasts._

_And we’re covering the Roman Empire in school, which made me think of you. Though the teacher doesn’t talk about much. _

_They left out a lot of the really interesting parts. I’m not supposed to know about the interesting parts but the Librarian doesn’t ask questions._

_I’ve just been using the time to write this letter instead._

_So! Very sneaky! I just wanted to know, the book said you are a Jäger! Lilith says they are mean and nasty and bad, but the book says you are fun and loyal? Which is it?_

_If it’s a weird question, you don’t have to answer!_

_Um, I’m not sure how to write to someone. What do you want to talk about?_

_Sincerely,  
Agatha Clay_

_(The rest of the diagram is covered in a doodle of a death ray. Complete with an even poorer doodle of a comet eating the moon)_

_Hoy Mizz Agatha,_

_i can do the writing thing, with the voice, but takes too long. so, i write like this. good eye on the gun but would take too long to fire. you don’t need fancy, you need to kill someone._

_jagers are terrifying! we can burn down europa and fight in the ashes! the ones you know are weak and soft. pfah. i am not a jager. i left. the jagers were better, in the old days, when we had a good heterodyne._

_(Ink splash here, a few hurried streaks)_

_this letter will be late. Some dumbkoff wanted to fight the baron. was very fun! i can send you their diagrams. so you can fix yours._

_soldiers get letters. is usually from their sweeties. jagers don’t get letters, because they don’t read. i don’t read either. or write. makes the bossy paperwork much easier. _

_there is no one else with my name. and i don’t have a last name anymore. no point. so just write it to Vole and they will give it to em. is not like people want to read my mail._

_they will regret that mistake._

_i guess i can tell you some of the good battle stories. or town stories, from when it was still good._

_i have to leave again soon, so i will send this now._

_Vole_

_Dear Mr Vole,_

_If you don’t read or write, how do you write your letters? Do you use a translator? One of my old teachers used one, they quit after someone programmed duck noises into the word base._

_And thank you for the diagram! It blew up, but it was definitely a very interesting explosion! Adam was very impressed, after he put out the fire. And I hid it before trying, so I can keep trying again later._

_I’d love to hear some stories!_

_You don’t have to talk about the ones with the other Jägers though, if you don’t like them. I don’t like talking about my classmates very much. They’re kind of jerks. So just replace them with ducks! Very smart ducks._

_A Jäger Duck!_

_Haha, okay, maybe not. I don’t have any really good stories to share, I already told you the death ray one. It’s kind of boring here, we don’t get people trying to fight us. If they do, Tock takes care of them before they get very far. The only time I see a war clank is when Adam takes me out to gather material in the Wastelands._

_You probably see a whole bunch though! _

_I’m kinda glad people don’t read our mail. I’m kinda private. I feel like I would have to do something drastic? To defend my honor? That’s what the book you gave me says. A bomb might be a little far, and might blow you up though. So, I guess I’ll be relying on your scariness._

_Sincerely,  
Agatha Clay_

_Ps, have you ever fought a dragon?_

_Hoy Agatha_

_i have not. some of the others did, against those cold lords up north. i came near the end of the storm king, hopefully long rotted in his grave._

_he deserves it._

_and no. i can’t read or write. is a jäger thing. less work, and people know we are very not smart. so they don’t expect when i am smart._

_i am very scary. the scariest. so don’t worry about the mail. but if you want to send a bomb, it will be fun. i can use some more bombs, the baron is not very fun when it comes to bombs. very much on ‘control’ and being ‘scary’. _

_and i can talk about those soft hearts if i want to! they are weak, but they used to be better. good stories. there are no jager ducks, but there were fanged ducks on the river. _

_they tasted delicious, and you had to fight them first before you could eat them. very fun._

_i have lots of stories though. i do have a dragon one, but it was mostly a big snake. most mad guys are very not creative._

_it did taste very tasty though. so that is a point in their box._

_so, it started like this. the blimp was made out of cloth and wood and was very very easy to set on fire-_

_… I hope you like the bomb! And I gave you my own book, because you gave me the Mechanicsburg book and it was only fair-_  
...the bomb did very well. the Baron was very impressed, though i have to do more paperwork and be schneakier about packages-  
...So, how did the scorpion story finish? I want to know if the sultan’s daughter and the Bloody Heterodyne ended up together-  
...i will visit when on leave 

“So, got yourself a honey?” Vole put a claw through the paper with an audible tearing noise, watching in satisfaction as the soldier swallowed. “You have been getting so many letters. Just, ah, got curious?“

Vole deftly tucked the most recent letter in his satchel. “Iz not hyur biznezz. Hy haff to go.” He turned sharply, striding off.

Maybe he could apply for a position on that new pirate ship the Baron collected. That was looking like real fun.

The soldier was just relieved he hadn’t been punched by a Jäger. Which meant the betting pool went wild.

By the third time he was asked, Vole was actually punching people. The fourth got the real attention though.

“Is he reading a book about raising children?” Kell said, morbidly fascinated. “I thought the monsters couldn’t read.”

“I asked that. He says it has good pictures.” Gregor said, slumped over the railing. The hangover felt like it was drilling into his skull. “And then he did the thing, you know, where he clicks the safety off of his gun and glares. Just leave it.”

“I don’t care, I have money on that sweetheart of his getting pregnant. My grandma says those guys can have kids.” Kell said. He had a gambling streak as big as Castle Wulfenbach. Gregor really wished it wasn’t focused on that guy.

“It’s not like he’ll tell any of us.” Gregor said. He squinted at the book. Huh, _The Care and Feeding of Small Primates._ His Mother had that one.

Kell looked excited. That was a bad thing. Excited Kell is what got Gregor this hangover. “He might not talk to us, but he might talk to someone else.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Why was Gregor the sensible one here? He still wasn’t sure the rocking movement was from the dirigible! “None of them would ever do it. The big guy and them have some mutual feud.” 

Punishment detail was designated for keeping Vole and a Jäger separated while in the same room, and often was the next step over from kindly telling someone you hoped they died.

The betting rings were still going wild over the why.

“Dragos owes me a favor.” Kell said. His eyes were filled with unholy glee. “He decided to bet a minor favor instead of money.”

He really should stop Kell. But then the floor rocked in a very worrisome way that was definitely not normal so Gregor made a noise of agreement and tried very hard not to throw up.

To his credit, Dragos agreed with a minimum of swearing. Even so, he looked like he was masquerading as a chimney with the amount of smoke curling out of his mouth.

It was a measure on how much Vole didn’t want the paper set on fire that he didn’t lunge as soon as Dragos got within ten feet.

He wanted to, dearly, but Agatha was recounting an incident in her class and asking advice. Proper advice that he was going to give, because other people gave terrible weak advice. Which meant having the paper readable.

The new Heterodyne better be worth this.

“Fuck off.” Vole starts. He tucks away the letter, focusing on his paperwork. Ugh. At least he kept some of the blood from that last invasion for ink. 

“Hy haff been sent to ask hyu about hyur ledders.” Dragos growls, leaning in. “Zo fezz up Und make dis quick.”

“Ho, vell, den stay there forever.” Vole said. He makes an X on the handy line.

_When a small primate is proving annoying, it’s best to ignore it. After all, it has a finite supply of energy and will run out. If your small primate does have infinite energy, you have bigger problems._

Ugh, that book was not good. But Agatha would have pouted if he didn’t read it, and it made everything so much easier.

Dragon groaned. “Effen hyu haff keeds, General vill vant to know.” Is what Jägerkin did went unsaid. The Generals liked to keep track of the family trees. Even if it became useless after the imposters.

“Dat sounds like a hyu problem.” Vole grinned, all sharp fangs. “Vhich iz vhy hyu get some time to back avay, hyu overblown lizard.” Fighting worked out the energy far faster.

He ducked Dragos’ first punch and kicked his legs out from underneath him. If the side effect of raising a kid meant he got more fights than Vole was happy to do so.

In fact he was delighted.

And the plus side of shattering a chair over Dragos’ head is that the wimp of the Baron granted his leave paperwork.

Which meant two weeks later, Vole was striding through Beetleburg in his civvies. 

Agatha had written at length about how long school took. Perfect cover for taking her on a little trip. Hey, it wasn’t his fault if the school didn’t have child catching clanks like Mechanicsburg. It was just practical.

It was far too easy to pick her up by the collar again before she ran inside school but Vole didn’t miss a beat, putting his distance between the school and Agatha.

Ugh, he’d have to train her in weapons soon. Vole was being all nice, but other people may not be. He didn’t want his hard work going to waste.

Vole would have dropped her if it hadn’t been for Agatha latching on to his side in a very awkward hug. “You’re back!” She chirped. “I thought you were still deployed!”

Her wide eyes made him feel a little sick. Vole quickened his stride. “Hy vas. Den hy made some trouble und de Baron thought leave vas better than more trouble.”

It helped he had quite a bit stored. Unlike the other Jägers, Vole had no one else to visit. Outside of two yearly trips to a good gunsmith, he had remained on Castle Wulfenbach since the dirigible was built.

Oh well, it made raising a proper Heterodyne much easier. Agatha blinked as he shifted his grip to move outside of the small gate, half hidden in a wall alcove. The useless clock army just watched  
.  
“I thought those were supposed to question you?” She asked. Definitely suspicious now. Vole rolled his eyes.

“Dose dumb bots haff had no updates since dey vere made. Dat gate in particular iz bad. Iz a smuggler gate, zo no vun vants dem fixed.” And it meant Vole could avoid annoying crowds.

Agatha twisted to look back at the clank guards, a gleam in her eye. “That’s dumb. If I made a clank army, they’re gonna be super scary, and I’m gonna update them all the time so there will never be a cooler army.” She announced.

Vole patted her on the head. The book said that was important in enforcing behavior. “Ho, dat’s gud. Hyu vant hyur army to be verry terrifying.” The imposters had built safety measures of all things into their clanks.

If you couldn’t operate a gun without dying, then you should leave the shooting to people who were good at it.

Over the rough Wasteland ground, Vole was able to cover distance a lot faster. He had arrived early to track this scent, and it was perfect. He peeled Agatha away from his side, dropping her to the ground.

“Zo, hyu vants to be scary.” Vole started. This was a good activity. Survival of the fittest and all. 

Agatha nodded, eyes bright. “Of course! If I’m scary, no one can mess with me or mine!” There was the familiar ring of possession in her voice. “Because they know if they do, then I can deal with them!”

Vole nodded, and patted her on the head. “Den tink of dis as a field trip. Not a sissy vun eider.” It has taken him a good hour to pick out exactly the right one from his collection.

Agatha narrowed her eyes. “Then I want my own game then.” She bargained. “It’s fair.”

“Hy dun haff to do vat’s fair.”

“Then I don’t have to play by your rules either.” Agatha said. Her hands on her hips, she almost looked like Mistress Euphrosynia.

That definitely what made Vole run his head and give in. “Fine. Hy’ll regret dis.”

Agatha whooped, hopping up and down. Vole rolled his eyes, taking his gift out. First test.

It was a sleek little gun, well sized for a child. Not very strong, and far too small for him. But it would penetrate thin armor, and aimed well enough. Good enough for a beginning weapon.

If she was raised properly, she would have had designed her own weapon by now. Small steps.

Agatha froze in the middle of her bouncing, eyes wide. “Is that for me?” She whispered, sounding awed. “It’s beautiful.”

“Hyu just point und shoot.” Vole said. He flicked his grip up, expertly activating it and fired. A nearby bush shattered into splinters. “Hyu are goink to need it.”

Agatha narrowed her eyes, but snatched up the gun when he offered, cuddling it to her chest like a teddy bear. “So, what’s this field trip about anyway?”

Vole grinned savagely, heading the cracking of branches in the distance. “Hyu just survive.” And with a few quick strides, he vaulted up into a nearby tree and disappeared.

She’d do just fine.

* * *

Agatha turned around slowly. Okay. She was in the Wastelands. But she had a death ray, which was honestly the only reason why she was panicking too much.

And Vole had left. That stung a little.

She wrestled back her rage, not wanting a headache. She’d pay for that later, that was a learning experience, but Agatha didn’t want to look stupid.

He couldn’t have gone too far. Field trip implied there was something he wanted to see. So Vole had to be watching.

She had to be impressively scary.

Even so, it was hard to smother her squeak as a bush collapsed under heavy hooves, a low grunting filling the clearing.

A von Ferris Boar. Just as tall as her, and almost as wide. It had wickedly curved tusks and a hide like a rhino. To top it off, von Ferris was fond of reanimation, and like to see how to blur the lines between living and dead.

The head was a cruel skull, the eye sockets glowing red. Agatha gulped, flicking the safety off her new weapon.

She was pretty sure there were no notable weak spots, but also no notable armor. 

Especially if you had a death ray.

The boars were intensely vicious towards humans. Agatha had only seen one before, from a distance while out with Adam. And then she had been barred from clank trips for a month.

The thought is what made her lift her gun and fire.

The animal squealed in rage as the energy splashed against its coat, dancing in place. The strike had stripped its shoulder to the bone and Agatha swallowed a wave of nausea.

It charged and Agatha flung herself to the side, rolling to avoid the deadly hooves. She came up, fired again.

Missed.

It screamed defiance, the drum of its hooves marching her heartbeat. Agatha gritted her teeth, rolling again as it charged. It couldn’t change its momentum when it did so, but she had no idea what to do with that information. She couldn’t dodge and shoot at the same time.

She couldn’t dodge and shoot at the same time.

If the boar didn’t kill her, Agatha’s parents would.

She just didn’t want to look bad in front of Vole. Agatha jumped to her feet and braced as the animal circled. It snorted, tossing mud off its horns.

Agatha let the numbness wash over her. No rage. No fear. It always made her feel a little sick and floaty.

The animal charged. Twenty feet. Fifteen. Ten. 

Agatha fired.

The skull shattered but the momentum didn’t slow. Agatha’s heart crammed up into her throat. It was going to crush her, trample her, those wicked tusks would gore her.

A hand closed around her collar, swinging her out of the way. The boar crashed to the ground with a low thud.

Agatha nearly brought the gun up before she saw blue skin. And proud black eyes, with a fanged grin just for her. She lowered it again, letting her head thud against Vole’s chest. The headache had swept in like a shadow, erasing her fear and guilt.

Instead she just felt a lot of pain.

“You have weird taste in field trips.” She accused. Next, he’d have her actually building a clockwork army. Which almost seemed refreshingly possible even with the constellation of pain in her head.

Vole made a low rumbling sound and it took her a moment to realize he was laughing. An actual laughing sound, not the bland chuckles of before, where it felt like he was humoring the weird little girl. “Hyu did gud, kiddo.” He said. It made Agatha feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and a little bit okay with the boar fight. “Hy’ll deal vith de cooking part.”

Agatha blinked. “We’re gonna eat it?” She said doubtfully. The book said Jägers could eat a lot of things, and she hadn’t heard of anyone who ate von Ferris boar. There were easier targets.

“Of course! Iz hyur prize. No point effen hyu dun eat it. Tastes gud too.” Vole said. He paused for a moment. “Hy’ll let hyu vatch the field dressing too.”

“Really?” Agatha said, perking up. None of her teachers wanted her around to watch the dissections, in case she was stupid and clumsy. Vole laughed again, his eyes bright with pride and blood lust.

“Hy’ll show hyu, best Hy can. Field cooking iz a gud skill.” And he really did, he gave Agatha a little knife and showed her how to slice away the hide.

Agatha tucked some of it into her satchel, probably bloodying up her homework beyond repair. Plans were already spinning through her head.

Vole only didn’t notice because he was setting up the fire and the spit. Before long, they were digging into the savory roasted meat.

“You definitely owe me.” Agatha said. “Can I have advanced notice on field trips?” She was definitely gonna have to bathe after this, no amount of excuses could hide the mud and blood on her clothes.

Vole rolled his eyes. “Vell, hy’ll tink about it.” Agatha narrowed her eyes but he didn’t budge, looking back at her. That was probably a no.

She tried to kick him and he dodged, ruffling her hair.

Which was totally a mean on purpose thing because now she had blood in her hair! Agatha stuck her tongue out, making Vole do the weird rumble thing again.

She grumbled, busting herself with the gun again. It really was a lovely piece of work, so nice under her careful inspection.

“Iffen hyu vant to fight me, Hy can show hyu some moves.” Vole said. Agatha blinked, looking up from the gun.

“Really?” Lilith said fighting outside of defense was bad and unladylike. But it did look kinda cool when she saw some of the soldiers brawl.

Vole stretched. “First lesson. Duck.” 

Before Agatha could comprehend, a gentle blow sent them toppling over. Agatha yelped, climbing back to her feet. She caught the next one, ducking just in time, but Vole hooked her locket. With a quick tug, she toppled off balance.

Agatha hopped to her feet, eyes narrowed. But Vole just looked irritated.

With her?

She paused, chewing her lip. She didn’t want to make him disappointed. “I’ll dodge faster next time.” Agatha promised. “Sorry.”

And wasn’t that a streak, disappointing all of her teachers?

Vole shook his head. He crouched, bringing him down to her height. “Iz not dat bad. Hy just forget hyu are still veak.” 

Agatha puffed up. “Am not!” She waved a hand at the boar. “I killed that!” And nearly got crushed for it!

She’d show him weak!

Vole rolled his eyes, ducking her punch. “Don’t hold hyur fist like dat, iz stupid und hyu break something.” He carefully caught her hand and carefully rearranged the position.

It felt weird, but better. And she couldn’t diagram with a broken hand.

Agatha narrowed her eyes. Before he could dodge, she darted forward, getting a good sock at his chest. Vole didn’t even twitch, but it got her a smile that really helped with the guilty feeling.

“Ho, dats better.” He said. Agatha bounces in place, putting her hands on her hips.

“Show me more.” She demanded. She was going to make this teacher proud, even if it was a little weird to learn this.

Hey, she had to know how to fight, to know not to fight! That was pretty sound logic and Agatha was sticking with it. She fixed that thought in her mind and leapt forward.

Fighting hurt.

“You’re terrible.” Agatha accused. She was panting on the ground, arm flung over her face. “I didn’t agree to this. I demand a recount.”

Vole, the abomination, laughed from where he was casually standing. He didn’t even have the kindness to pretend he was winded. “Ve haff to go anyvay. Iz almost time for hyur school to end.” He sounded disgusted with the words.

Lilith and Adam were going to kill her.

The thought made Agatha whine. “Can’t we just exile ourselves?” She had never missed a day of school before.

Vole didn’t answer for a moment. “Vould be verry noticink.” He pointed out. “Hy can’t teach hyu iffen Hy can’t be around hyu.”

Ugh, that sucked. Agatha pushes herself into a standing position. “We’ll go then.” Vole rolled his eyes, easily picking her up. Agatha stifled a squeak as she settled into a piggyback position.

She could see so much!

Was this what tall people saw?

“Should we clean up the bones.” Vole didn’t even give her an answer, just walking away. “Or is it like the book where you use them as bait? Because The Good Heterodyne did it!” It went into tons of description over what showed up and the big fight!

“Ho, yez.” Vole sounded delighted. “Dat vould be gud.”

Agatha rested her chin on his shoulder, looking around. Vole got surprisingly far from town in such a short time but now that she was concentrating, his stride was actually quite effective. Mimicry needed?

“You want to tell me something.” Agatha said. She had an idea of it the entire practice, that Vole was just on the verge of saying something.

Vole growled. “Hy need to take hyur locket.” He said. Agatha jerked back, nearly falling off his back. Vole growled again, steadying her.

“It’s from my parents! You can’t take it!” She yelled. “It’s MINE!”

How would they protect her if she took it off? And it was the last thing she had from Uncle Barry! What if it got lost?

Vole stopped. “Hy need to get it fixed.” He said through gritted teeth. “Chainz too long. Iffen hyu get in a real fight, hyu vill lose. Choke hyu. Or pull hyu off balance. Dey could kill hyu.”

...say it like that, and it almost made sense.

Agatha deflated, partially from the logic and particularly from the headache thumping in her head. Ow. “What if it gets lost?” She asked quietly.

“Hy vill find it. Smells like hyu.” Vole dismissed. “Hy’d like to see somevun try.”

That was certainly true. But it didn’t account for one fact.

“Adam and Lilith told me never to take it off.” Agatha said. She chewed her lip. “I’ll get in big trouble.” And then they would ask questions and she wouldn’t get to see Vole again. And maybe she did trust him to quickly, but he just felt right and with the amount of letters they had exchanged…

There was something about him that told her that he was loyal. And that she was safe with him.

Vole started again. “Hy vill take care of dat.” He said gruffly. “Hy’ll get it done by tomorrow. Und vill be done by end of veek.” 

Agatha rested her chin on his shoulder. “It better. But tomorrow is good. Lilith and Adam won’t be home.” Maybe she could call in her favor. As sort of a consolation. That sounded good.

Vole dropped her off two streets away. Agatha scrubbed up in the stream of a wall faucet before facing her punishment. A hastily told story of a bully and a bad headache kept Lilith and Adam at bay.

Adam gave her a look though and Agatha slumped a little, but didn’t budge.

Vole was just going to be her secret for now. Just until she got past the point where she had a good enough argument to prevent them from stopping it.

She didn’t sleep well that night, mechanisms dancing in her head and slipping away in the morning.

“Don’t open the door to strangers.” Lilith said, adjusting her coat. They definitely had an idea she was up to something. But it didn’t stop either of them from packing up some of the canning and leaving.

Just as Agatha closed the door, there was a thump upstairs.

She raced up, excited and frightened all at once. Vole was sitting in the middle of her floor, looking out of place among scattered gears and oddities. “Hy got it.” He said.

Clutched awkwardly in his hand was a necklace similar to hers. Agatha reached out, hesitantly taking it. It didn’t have the seam for the pictures, and was far heavier.

It must be one of the Classic makes then, the ones that really could be used as a defensive weapon. Agatha had read all about it in multiple books.

“Where did you get it?” Agatha asked, turning over the trilobite in her hands. She hadn’t seen any being sold in town.

In theory, Beetle was okay with the selling of Spark symbols. In practice, any stalls that actually sold serious replicas, tended to have a very unfortunate incident with the Clockwork army and were encouraged to open up elsewhere.

“Somevhere.” Vole said vaguely. He refused to elaborate further.

Well, he was a Jäger. It stood to reason that he would have a trilobite somewhere. Agatha carefully undid the clasp of her necklace.

“And nothing will happen to it?” She asked. It had the only pictures of her parents. 

“I promise.” 

He dropped the accent? Agatha chewed her lip for a moment before carefully handing the locket over. Vole carefully set it aside in his pockets. “Hy’ll bring it back vhen itz done. Von’t be long.”

Agatha nodded, putting on the new necklace. It felt heavier around her neck. “I trust you then. Can I have my favor now?” She was pretty sure Vole wanted more fighting practice but Agatha was still a little achy from the day before.

Vole sighed. “Vhat do hyu vant.” Agatha surveyed her room. She had a Jäger willing to do whatever she says, probably to a limit, but whatever she says!

“I want to have a tea party.” Agatha said very seriously. Vole groaned.

“Hyu are killink me, keed.” Agatha preened under the new nickname. “Fine. Hy promised.”

“You did!” Agatha said brightly. She pulled the cups down. They were her very favorite set, bronze and decorated with gears. She also pulled Princess Stompyboots off the bed.

“Ken Ve at least play de fun kind?” Vole said, leaning forward. Her tea cups were quite small next to him.

Wait.

There was another way to play tea party? “What’s the fun kind?” Agatha said, curious despite herself.

Vole grinned, all teeth. “De vun vere hyu are plannik to poizon somevun.”

That sounded mean. But also delightfully murder mystery and Agatha really liked murder mysteries. “But I don’t want to poison you.” She said. 

It was pretty much the last rallying cry of Lilith’s manners lessons.

“Ov cawze not.” Vole said. “Vould be very hard anyvay. Jägers are strong like that. Hy mean hyu do de pretendink ting.”

“But you know I’m going to try.” Agatha said. She could try poisoning Princess Stompyboots, but it wasn’t exactly any test of skill. Maybe Vole could be a bodyguard. Except… 

_Oh!_

“I need to trick you into drinking the poison!” Agatha said. She clapped her hands together. That would take some trickery. She settled down on the floor. 

This would take some intelligence and skill!

“Sulfuric acid is sweet before the burning starts!”

“Okay.”

“You’re not supposed to drink it so easily!”

Vole had to leave all too soon for patrol, leaving Agatha alone again.

“I wish I could have the gun back.” Agatha told Princess Stompyboots. Vole had to take it away after the boar fight. It was easier to explain diagrams then a death ray.

Still, Agatha wanted one. Or maybe even make something for Vole. He liked guns right? 

She just had to be not dumb and get these plans to work! She pulled them out from their hiding spot under her homework.

It was delightfully simple, but the last attempt had burned a hole in her table.

Agatha had a good feeling about attempt two though. She couldn’t pin it down, but she had a good feeling that maybe this time would go perfectly. And Vole would be so proud!

And if Vole was proud that meant he would stick around and not leave forever.

Agatha pulled out some of her practice wires and got down to work.

She came to with a shatter of ceramic.

Agatha nearly jumped out of her chair, fumbling the screwdriver. “Lilith!” She thought they weren’t supposed to be back for hours!

It was like coming out of a fog. Her desk was a mess. The diagram had been shredded and put back together with tape. The result was a delicate gun in the middle of an oil puddle, only the size of her palm.

And Lilith standing in the doorway, looking confused and scars. “Agatha, I thought we told you to stop with the death rays. They’re dangerous.” Agatha winced.

“But this one will work! I know it!” It looked nicer too! All sleek, instead of the weird clunky version she had gotten on her first try. “See!”

It also put a perfect dime size hole through her table.

But it didn’t explode!

Agatha felt like she was going to explode with happiness. “I did it Lilith!” She wasn’t dumb! One of her inventions actually worked! Vole was going to be so happy to see it!

And if she could do this, she might be able to build other things too!

“Agatha!” Lilith’s hand came down, pulling the gun out of her grip. “Don’t fire that!” Agatha blinked at the hole in her table.

“Little too late?” She said. “I’m sorry.”

Maybe she should build a firing mechanism next. Vole would call it silly but Agatha liked her hands to not be blown up. She already had a close run with the first attempt self immolating when she took a break.

Lilith frowned down at her. “You can’t be though.” Agatha blinked in confusion, glancing over the mess on her desk. Did she mean firing the gun?

“But it fires just fine. I should probably test it more, but I can build something for that.” Her head kind of hurt, but it felt like she actually might be able too.

Lilith still looked worried. “Agatha, are you okay? Did you do something?”

“I feel great!” She hadn’t had a headache in hours and she actually built a working death ray. “It worked!”

Her stomach rumbles and Agatha blushed. “I forgot to eat though.” She kind of forgot a lot of things. 

The last thing she remembered was maniacally giggling as she put together a fusion core.

“...Go eat lunch.” Lilith said. “I’ll be keeping this. Send Adam up, I want to talk to him”

Agatha pouted as she hopped off her chair. Fine! She’ll just have to be sneaky and steal it back later! Or just build another one! Agatha felt like maybe that was an option.

_AND MAKE AN EVEN BETTER GUN!_

Agatha clamped a hand over her mouth before she could giggle and give the game away.

“Hi Adam!” She breezes down the stairs past him. “Lilith wants to talk to you.”

She was absolutely starving now that she noticed. Agatha had already worked through two sandwiches when Adam and Lilith came back down the stairs, looking worried.

“Agatha.” Lilith said. Adam made an unfamiliar sign. “It seems we are going to be moving.” 

Agatha’s eyes widened in horror. If they moved, she wouldn’t see Vole again! He said he could find her anywhere but Agatha would rather not see that put to the test! “Where? And why! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

She just built her first successful invention! She had always imagined a little more pride and them being happy for her. Not having to leave her home!

Lilith winced. “Calm down, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Adam’s steady hands pushed Agatha back down into her chair.

She sniffles, not out of pain, but out of fear. “I don’t want to go!” 

“I’m sorry, but we have to. It’s for your own good. We’ll explain later, but right now, you need to trust us.” Lilith said. Adam nodded, tapping a hand against his chest.

“Like I trusted Uncle to come back!”

The room seemed to freeze.

Agatha fled to her room, her eyes burning. The lock didn’t do anything, but it made her feel better as she ducked under her desk and pulled her knees up to her chest.

A tap against the door. “Go away.” Agatha said, burying her face in her dress. Vole would think she was abandoning him.

Agatha cried herself to sleep, wishing there was some way to let him know before she had to leave.

There was a miniature clank trying to stab him.

Vole would be inclined to just shoot it but it looked exactly like one of Agatha’s bombs. He slowly turned to look back in the direction of the workshop that smelled of Heterodyne.

It had only been a few hours.

Well, he had been hoping the girl would be trouble. And this was looking to be the best kind of trouble.

Vole plucked the clank off the ground, ignoring how it squirmed and tried to stab his palm. At least he didn’t have patrol for a few hours, he was intent on wringing every scrap of intelligence out of this.

Then he saw the workshop and instantly white hot fury filled him.

It wasn’t obvious, if you didn’t know how people fled before raids. A cart beginning to be filled with innocuous crates. The workshop was closed.

_They were trying to leave._

He didn’t even bother with knocking on the door. Vole just strode right up, kicking it just hard enough for the rough word to pop open. Pfah, they should get better locks.

Vole had known exactly who was raising the kid, he’d lurked around scouting the place for ages.

Still, the look on Judy’s face when he walked right in. He’d treasure that for the rest of his life.

Vole grinned a smile that might have been friendly, if it didn’t have so many teeth. “Hy tink Ve should cloze de door, yez? Ve haff sum tings to talk about.”

Judy’s eyes went between him and the stairs. “Vole, leave. There’s nothing for you here.” And there was Punch, teaching for a pile of rivets.

“Ho, dere iz much for me here.” Vole said. “She likez hyu, yez? Vould be bad iffen de liddle gurl had to walk en on a murder.” That was what it would be.

Judy and Punch were strong. But Vole was centuries older, and had studied their skills. Had fought against hundreds of constructs. And they knew it.

“Please. Just leave her alone. She doesn’t know anything.” Judy said. Punch set himself at the bottom of the stairs, a near immovable wall for most people.

Vole rocked on his feet, grin sharp. “Ho, Hy know dat. Vhy mine businezz iz here. But hyu should cloze de door. Von’t vant dis reachink de Baron.” 

And funnily, that made Judy go even paler. She gave him a large berth as she passed, eyeing the gun hanging innocently from his shoulder. The door clicked shut.

“What do you want.” Judy said. Punch made an arm movement, clearly questioning.

“Vhat hy vant?” Vole asked. That was a lot of things. “War. Blood. De gurl iz younk. Mebbe hy vill like her.”

“You want a proper Heterodyne.” Judy said. She looked horrified at the thought, weakling. “You won’t take her.

Ugh, no.

Vole liked the girl, but he was not the sniveling parent type. No. “Hy don’t vant to take her. Juzt teach her sum tings.” The proper way. 

Punch made a motion with his hands. “And what makes you think we’ll allow that?” Judy said, her eyes narrowed. The thought of what they were trying to do made Vole angry, but he pressed it down.

“Hyu are runnink, yah? Agatha, she iz veird. De gud kind.” He glanced at the clank in his hand, gone still. “Hyu vant to hide de Heterodyne. Hy vant to teach her, vithout odders. De Jägerkin, Ve ken haff cheeldren.”

Judy frowned, catching on quickly. “You want to claim she’s yours?” 

Oh no. Because there would be questions. But Agatha had mentioned an uncle, yes? And didn’t that just give him a smug feeling.

“Great grand niece.” Vole said. “No vun vould look at mine descendents for a Heterodyne. She could be snug az a bug clank.”

“Maybe even let her Breakthrough someday.” Judy said. She looked lost. “A Spark coming from a Jäger line wouldn’t be as noticeable, she’d have a threat behind her.”

“Now hyu are gettink eet.” Vole said. Complete access to the Heterodyne girl. And then. “She iz Sparky?”

That meant good things. That meant many good things.

Judy glanced at Punch who made a shrugging motion. “She… broke through young. Her locket was built to smother it.”

...he should not murder the girl’s guardians. That’s what the book said explicitly not to do.

“Vell. Hy haff dat. She asked me to fix eet up a liddle. Make de chain short.” Vole said through clenched teeth.

“That explains a lot.” Judy said. She eyed Vole. “How long have you been talking to Agatha?”

Oh he was going to make her all scared. “De big feztival a few months beck? Ve haff been writink letters. Hy took her on her furst Hunt yesderday.” Vole said, almost proud. First Hunts were important.

Judy stares for a moment than reached up to rub her temples. “The only exiled Jäger, for attempted murder of the Heterodynes, is teaching my daughter hunting.”

“Great grand niece.” Vole added helpfully.

“...Great grand niece.” Judy concedes. Good. That made things much easier. “But if you hurt her, we will do everything in our power to destroy you.”

“Hy’d like to see hyu try.” Vole said. He really would. It would be so much fun. “Ve should go check on de gurl, yah?”

Punch gave him a look, tapping against his chest. “We changed our names.” Vole waved his other hand, rolling his eyes. As if he cared. Names were stupid.

“Should be a seester.” Vole informed them, one foot already on the step. “No vun vould belieff hy’d hide a brother for zo long. But mine seester has terrible taste in men, yah?” He shook his head in mock sorrow. 

“You’re oddly intelligent for a Jäger.” Judy said slowly. Pfah, these were old tricks. Vole hates being the smart guy.

“Hy vas exiled. Vas eidder vin or die.” Vole said. He didn’t have anyone to be smart for him, so he had to be smart himself. It was rather annoying. 

Vole was almost proud of it though, no one had thought he would last for so long.

He ignored their next question, tromping up the stairs. Time to greet the girl.

It just needed one last tweak to be complete. She had spent so long teasing out tiny wires and weaving them in so it could never ever tear. And then braiding the leather because that made it stronger.

And Agatha wanted strong. She wanted everyone to know what was hers. 

Maybe she should have some sort of weapon too. Because doubtless there would be challenges, and her people needed to be defended. Too bad Lilith had confiscated her first attempt.

A fusion gun? She could work around the Roman design. Gears spun in her head, settling into shape.

Yes, it would be sleek and oh so deadly and-

Agatha came back to a warm weight on her shoulder.

“Ho, keed, hyu really vent all out.”

Agatha blinked in shock, looking up. Black eyed peered down at her, his smile wide and cruel. “Vole?” She said quietly, not quite believing it. Was she still asleep.

He held up a miniature golden clank, it’s rotors buzzing. “Hy got hyur mezzage.” He said.

Agatha jumped out of her seat to hug him, feeling like she was going to cry again. “Oh, it’s terrible! Lilith and Adam said we were going to move!”

Vole wrapped his arms around her, easily hefting her up. “Ho, Hy know. Ve had a verra nize chat. Hyu aren't movink.” He turned back to the doorway.

Lilith was there and Agatha pinked. “So this is my pen pal Vole.” She admitted quietly. Maybe she should have told them before. But Adam and Lilith were pretty vocally against Jägers and Agatha hadn’t thought it would hurt.

“We can tell.” Lilith said. “We are not moving. Vole proposed an alternate arrangement that should keep you safe for now.” She looked very dubious about that.

“Hyu are now mine Great grand niece. Hyu can call me Unkle.” Lilith looked like she had sucked on a lemon at that but Agatha felt something warm settle in her chest.

“Uncle?” She said, testing it out. It sounded good. Rolled off the tongue. Vole looked viciously proud.

“Ho yez. No vun vould look at me vanting to vizit mine family. Und vill help vith de Sparky ting.” Vole said. Agatha furrowed her eyebrows.

“What Sparky thing?” She said. Vole looked at her. He glanced at the clank he had tossed on her bed. Then at the mess on her workbench. “Oh.”

Lilith sighed. “It seems you are Breaking Through. Which means you have to get the talk.”

Agatha let her head thump against Vole’s chest. “Not the lab safety talk!”

“It’s the lab safety talk.” Lilith said, because she was mean like that.

The talk took forever and Vole was a vicious traitor who nodded along. Even if he added in interesting bits like ‘if hyu do dis, hyu vill explode und it von’t be preddy’.

Which kind of made for a better argument.

Lilith went to unpack the kitchen again but now Adam was lurking in the hallway. So this was probably the best time to give Vole her gift.

“I thought you would like it. I had to guess at the measurements.” Agatha said shyly. She was holding a braided armband. It still gleamed from the wires she had sewn into the leather even though she had chosen those with colors closest to boar’s hide.

Agatha was actually quite proud of how well the curing process went. Even if she couldn’t quite remember how she had cured it so fast.

“Movink a liddle fazt dere, Don’t hyu tink?” Vole said, giving her one of those looks. Agatha flushed, looking away.

“I just thought it’d be nice to have a memento. I have one too, so we can match.” She gestured at her own arm, with its matched pair. “And the bomb isn’t ready yet and Lilith took my first death ray. If you don’t want this, I can just use it for something else.”

Deft clawed fingers plucked the armband from her hand. “Eet doez not match mine outfit, but Hy vill bear it.” Vole said, fastening the armband on.

“You care about your outfit?” Agatha said, slightly confused. It was a very nice uniform and the coppery leather did look a little weird, but his outfit? From a Jäger.

“Hy am not an animal.” Vole said, looking almost offended. Agatha couldn’t help it, she burst into giggles at the look on his face.

“You are so weird, Uncle.” He ruffled her hair again. “So weird.”

She was a Spark. The thought of it made her chest feel tight and her eyes heat. A Spark. Not some useless little girl, but a Spark and a Jäger for an adoptive uncle.

“Ve should plan hyu next hunt soon!”

“But I just had my first one! I’m still sore!” Agatha whined.

“But vhat iz de point of bait iffen hyu don’t use it?” Vole said. There was a cough from the doorway.

“I think we should set some rules to these hunts.” Lilith said. Vole scoffed, already ready to argue. Agatha sat back and watched the two.

Maybe Uncle Barry would never come back, but she had a good thing going right here.

She was still building a gun though. A bigger one.

* * *

Vole was acting weird. Dragos knew it, his squad knew it, probably the whole army by now. Vole was, normally, a berserk monster.

A berserk monster flipping through a bestiary with a faintly disgruntled look. Damn it. Kell still wouldn’t release him from his favor. At this point, his bunkies were going to start bothering him for gossip.

Dragon didn’t even bother to loom this time, worse damn fact about the bastard was he was also one of the taller ones and Dragos was built like a compact wrecking ball which did not lend well to looming.

“Hyu bedder not haff a keed.” Dragos said. Then he might be conscripted into actual gossip collection duty which was boring as hell,

The pencil snapped in Vole’s hand. “Five.” He said. Oo, a warning, how fucking polite. Fuck him. Dragos leaned in, just at the edge of Vole’s new buffer zone. 

He was wearing an armband. A rough looking leather thing, woven with wire. A gift. Curious, Dragos took a deep breath.

There was a scent there. Almost familiar but Dragos couldn’t quite put his claws on it. Like honey and ozone and-

A hand slammed into his chest, nearly knocking him over and then Vole vaulted over the table, practically sprinting away.

Dragos got through a _What the fuck_ before everything smelled like a flower shop exploded.

He sneezed smoke. Then sneezed again.

Vole was an absolute _bastard_ and Dragos was going to try to strangle him the next time he saw him.

The scent on the armband still stuck with him though. Dragos wasn’t quite sure why. And Vole was still a fucking berserk monster about it.

At least the Wulfenbach betting rings were doing brisk business. (Current theories was a sweetheart token, some sort of Jäger ritual, a really late Breakthrough which caused Vole to have a laughing fit when he heard, and some kind of demon binding ritual by the Baron.)

(And whoever kept sending Vole the perfume bombs had earned the sworn vengeance of the entire Jäger army.

Far away in a different town, a little blonde girl sneezed.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I subscribe to the headcanon that Jäger accents get thicker when stressed so Vole’s gets thicker during this chapter.
> 
> And Vole knows exactly what all the betting rings are about, and thinks they’re hilarious, but the perfume bombs are really just to prevent any Jäger from getting a clear scent and possibly working it out or tracking it to Agatha, even if they can be hell on the nose. Vole takes no prisoners.
> 
> That vow of vengeance is gonna be interesting later.
> 
> This should be getting an outtake collection soon, I’m planning for at least some of their letters that couldn't make an appearance in this chapter. They really should not work so well together at the hunt but Agatha really wants validation and someone to push her forward (and Vole needs that too).

**Author's Note:**

> Agatha was actually a pretty terrifying child, and it took years of manners lessons before she grew out of it.
> 
> Vole thinks manners are stupid.


End file.
